Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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