Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
