If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize