When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
