I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
