Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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