WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize