Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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