the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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