His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
