Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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