I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
