So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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