i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
