Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
