I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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