I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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