Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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