I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
