I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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