So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
