I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
