your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
