Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
