Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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