She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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