i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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