dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
being pregnant is like rehab
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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