the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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