Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
