Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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