I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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