My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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