i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
even my farts smell like vagina
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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