The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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