I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
