just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
