My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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