Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
