before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
