He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
