he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
