He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
