I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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