Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize