Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
