where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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