I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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