what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
