Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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