consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
