just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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