i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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