Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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