So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize