Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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