Someone shit on the floor
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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