ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize