i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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