I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
