We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
