That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
