dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
