Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
