I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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