I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
