My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
