we're chasing vodka with high fives
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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