I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
