actually, I'm a sock model
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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