Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
